


The Last Bed

by wildlingoftarth



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, F/M, Just stay with me here, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, but not in the way you think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28242999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildlingoftarth/pseuds/wildlingoftarth
Summary: Brienne has an unexpected encounter on Sevenmas Eve.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 74
Kudos: 180
Collections: JB Festive Festival Exchange Stocking Stuffers 2020





	The Last Bed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tall_wolf_of_tarth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tall_wolf_of_tarth/gifts), [BananaChef](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananaChef/gifts), [brynnmck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brynnmck/gifts), [crescenthour](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescenthour/gifts), [Luthien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luthien/gifts), [NaomiGnome](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaomiGnome/gifts), [PrettyThief](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyThief/gifts), [Roccolinde](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roccolinde/gifts).



> If there is one thing I learned while looking through the stocking stuffer prompts, it’s that y’all REALLY love an “only one bed” scenario. 
> 
> This is not at all what you asked for...but here, have it anyway.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this silly Christmas fluff vaguely reminiscent of the 1996 Arnold Schwarzenegger masterpiece “Jingle All The Way.”
> 
> Unbeta'd. All mistakes and dumb ideas are my own.

“Pleeeeeease, Brienne?”

Her brother’s pleading voice on the other end of the line sent a shudder through her like nails on a chalkboard. Even though Galladon was four years older than Brienne, she’d always been the responsible one, and she’d heard those words in that tone more times than she could count, and they usually resulted in her agreeing to something she had no interest in doing.

“For gods’ sake, Gal, it’s two days before Sevenmas!”

“I know,” Galladon said in his most apologetic voice, “but you don’t understand. I’ve been to _every_ store on Tarth. Every website was sold out, and now the shipping deadlines are passed. Please, Brie. This is all Aly wants. If you come through with it, you will be her favorite aunt for life.”

Brienne hoped he could feel her irritation through the phone. “I’m her only aunt. And you know I hate when you use my love for her against me.”

“I’m sorry. Really, I am. But you’re my last hope. There has to be one _somewhere_ in King’s Landing.”

Brienne slumped and felt her resistance melting away at the thought of her beloved niece not getting everything she wanted for Sevenmas.

“Fine. Send me the exact name and a picture so I know what I’m looking for.”

Galladon breathed an audible sigh of relief. “Thank you so much. Have I ever told you you’re the best sister ever?”

“Frequently, but only after I do something like this for you.”

“I promise I’ll tell you more often. Love you.”

“Love you too. See you in a few days.” She hung up and shook her head, slightly bewildered and unsure of exactly what she’d just agreed to.

A few seconds later, her phone dinged with a message from Gal.

> **_NEW! Westerosi Girl Perfect Princess Canopy Bed_ **

The attached picture showed a doll-size white four-poster bed with a pink and white ruffled canopy, matching frilly bedding, and sheer white netting decorated with pink butterflies surrounding the bed.

Brienne made a face - it was a stereotypically girly monstrosity, but she knew Aly had gotten a Westerosi Girl doll designed to look like her for her eighth birthday a few months ago, and now all she wanted was clothing and accessories and furniture to complement the doll. Nevermind the stuff cost more than Brienne spent on her _own_ clothes and accessories - it was an utter racket, as far as she was concerned - but her niece was the light of her life, and she would do just about anything to make her happy.

Unfortunately, Gal knew this all too well, which was how she found herself driving to a LannMart all the way across town from her apartment on Sevenmas Eve. Brienne would be leaving for Tarth that evening like she always did in order to be there when Aly woke up on Sevenmas morning, so this was truly a last-ditch effort.

Her desperation was evident by her willingness to even set foot in the store, notorious as it was for not paying its employees a living wage among other egregious violations. But her morals would sadly have to take a backseat to her niece's happiness, or so she told herself as she parked in the one available spot at the very back of the parking lot and walked a mile to the door with other harried last-minute shoppers.

Brienne ducked and dodged through the crowd at the entrance elbowing each other to get at a stack of cheap flat-screen TVs and beelined to the toy section. Judging by the looks on her fellow shoppers' faces, she wasn't the only one feeling frantic. She passed aisles of building blocks and games and stuffed animals until she found what looked like the doll aisle - or what used to be the doll aisle but was now a wasteland of half-empty shelves.

She scanned all the shelves for the canopy bed, but only found a few cast-off Westerosi Girl outfits and accessories. Her heart fell. Aly was only eight - far too young to feel disappointed on Sevenmas. Brienne _had_ to find that bed.

Just then, a lightbulb flicked on above her head - she could use her one defining feature to her advantage. Her height.

She stood up on tiptoes and craned her neck to the top shelf, which may as well have been the Mountains of the Moon to an average-height person. This shelf was much better stocked than the lower ones, and hope bloomed in her chest as she walked on her toes up and down the aisle.

Just then, the heavens opened and the angels began to sing - there it was, at the end of the aisle, shoved to the back of the shelf. A Westerosi Girl Perfect Princess Canopy Bed. She gasped and reached her long arms back toward it - but her hands smacked into another pair reaching for the same box.

Brienne looked over at the man next to her, not quite as tall as her but close, also standing on tiptoes with his arms outstretched. Time stood still for a moment, both of them frozen in place, and she barely had the chance to register how good-looking he was before they both lunged at the box, pulling it down at the same time.

They stood in the middle of the aisle, each holding one end of the box, studying each other with blank faces.

Brienne tried to keep her voice as even as possible. “Excuse me, but I saw this first. It’s mine.”

The man gave the box a quick tug toward him. “No, I believe I saw it first. It’s mine.”

Brienne tugged right back. “I need this for my niece. Get yours somewhere else.”

The man didn’t give an inch on the box. “I need this for _my_ niece. And I’ve been everywhere else. This is the last one.”

“Well, I guess one of us is going home empty-handed. And it’s not going to be me.” Brienne used all her strength to try to wrench the box out of the man’s hands, but he was just as strong as her, and they quickly found themselves at an impasse, playing tug-of-war in the doll aisle.

Just then, a round, elderly woman who barely came up to Brienne’s belly button reached her arms up and yanked on the middle of the box with considerable strength, prying it out of both of their hands and tucking it into her chest as she ran-waddled out of the aisle and toward the front of the store.

Brienne watched the woman’s retreating back with her mouth hanging open, baffled at what just happened. She’d been so preoccupied with this... _man_ that she hadn’t even noticed the little bandit come up in between them. She turned to look at the aforementioned man, who was just as slack-jawed as she. His eyes met hers, and she was about to berate him for trying to steal from a woman (albeit a taller and larger woman) when he threw his head back and guffawed, a loud, warm bellow that emanated from his lower belly.

Brienne just stared at him with astonishment for a second before a cackle burst from her own mouth, laughing first at his reaction, then at the sheer absurdity of the situation. She bent over and braced her hands on her knees, feeling and sounding quite hysterical.

“Where did she...?” the man gasped between laughs.

“And how did she...?” Brienne wiped a tear from the corner of her eye before gathering her composure and attempting to stand up a little straighter.

The man gave one more chuckle before inhaling deeply and looking at Brienne, first with curiosity, then with remorse. He held his hands palms-up and shrugged. “I’m really sorry about that. It’s just, I’ve been looking everywhere for one of those damn beds, and it’s all my niece wants for Sevenmas, and she’s had a really tough year…”

“No, I’m sorry,” Brienne interrupted. “That was really rude of me. I wanted it for my niece too...but I guess neither of them will get one.” Her face fell when it sank in that she’d just watched her last chance at making Aly happy disappear toward checkout.

The man looked at her and cocked his head. His eyes were impossibly green, and she could almost see the gears turning behind them. “Hey. Don’t worry. We’ll find more.”

Her heart did a curious stutter at his use of the word _we_. “Where? You already said you’ve been everywhere.”

His shoulders slumped. “I haven’t tried quite everything. Will you come with me outside? I need to make a phone call.”

Brienne’s uncertainty must have shown on her face, because he held up his hands and said, “I’m not going to murder you, I promise.”

“Who says I’m not going to murder you?” she said dryly, her chest feeling oddly warm at his chuckle.

“Touché. Well, can we call a truce and agree not to murder each other?”

“Agreed.”

“I’m Jaime, by the way,” he said as they walked empty-handed to the front door of the store.

“Brienne.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Brienne...even though it was under less than ideal circumstances.”

Brienne’s mouth quirked into a smile. How she'd gone from having a physical altercation with this man to laughing with him and following him out of the store in less than two minutes was baffling. She tried not to think about whether she'd be doing this if he wasn't painfully attractive.

They stepped out of the stiflingly crowded store into the blessedly fresh, cool air outside. Jaime stopped on the sidewalk and pulled out his phone. He took a deep breath, as if to steel himself, and brought it to his ear.

"Brother," he said with almost artificial cheerfulness.

"Yes, I know, it has been a long time. Hey, listen...I need to call in that favor.”

***

Twenty minutes later, Brienne pulled into the parking lot of a massive unmarked warehouse behind Jaime. He’d sounded hopeful when he hung up the phone and told her he had a lead on Westerosi Girl furniture, so she’d agreed to follow him. She turned on location tracking and sent her location to Sansa with a message that said,

> _I'm following a man to a warehouse. I'll explain later. Just make sure I don't disappear._
> 
> _**Brie?? Are you crazy??** _
> 
> _I might be, yes._

She parked next to Jaime's car and shot him an incredulous look when she got out.

"I know it looks shady, but my promise not to murder you still stands."

They walked to a side entrance where a man with slicked-back hair and a worn black leather jacket was leaning against the door.

"Jaime fucking Lannister," the man said in a thick accent.

Jaime greeted the man, but what he said barely registered as Brienne's mind struggled to process what she'd just heard.

"Hold on," she said, her hand darting out to grab his arm. She swung him around to face her. "Did he just say Jaime Lannister? As in, the LannMart Lannisters?"

Jaime made a face halfway between a cringe and an apologetic smile. "It's a long story."

Brienne crossed her arms and straightened to her full height, arranging her face into its most stern look. "Give me the summary as to why you were wrestling toys out of an innocent woman's arms in a LannMart when your family OWNS LANNMART."

Jaime looked offended. "Excuse me, I believe YOU were the one who started the wrestling match."

"Unimportant," she said with a wave of her hand. "Explain, please."

Jaime sighed heavily. "Long story short, my family disowned me for refusing to come and be a cog in their soulless evil corporate machine. My brother is the only one I still talk to, apart from my niece and nephews, who I send gifts to every year. Believe me, stepping foot into that LannMart today hurt my pride more than you know."

Brienne found herself feeling strangely sorry for him, but was startled out of her sentiment by the man yelling to them from the doorway.

"'Ey, are we doing this or no? I don't have all day," he said brusquely.

"Bronn, your entire job is to do my brother's bidding. What else could you possibly have to do?"

"Better things than standing around here with you tall blonde toffs. Now come on." He beckoned with his hand and swung the door open behind him.

Brienne followed Jaime inside. The warehouse was cavernous, filled floor to ceiling with boxes and pallets, workers swarming and forklifts beeping.

As they followed Bronn through the aisles, Brienne asked Jaime, "Why didn't you just call in that favor from your brother in the beginning?"

Jaime huffed out a bitter laugh. "Have you ever heard the phrase 'a Lannister always pays his debts?' My brother is a terrible person to owe a debt to. I have a feeling I'll be bailing him out of jail in Essos some time in the near future."

Brienne smiled. "Well… thank you for doing this. You didn't have to include me."

"No, I really did. It's my fault you didn't get that last bed. And I understand the desire to want to make a niece happy."

Bronn pulled up in front of a stack of discreetly labeled cardboard boxes. There was nothing remarkable about them at first, but upon further inspection, she saw that the label read _Westerosi Girl Perfect Princess Canopy Bed 250pcs_. She gasped.

"This is it!" She turned to Jaime with wide eyes and an even wider smile. He stood with his hands in his pockets, looking pleased with himself, though not at all smug.

Bronn pulled out a rather intimidating-looking switchblade knife and used it to cut through the tape sealing one of the boxes shut. He opened the flaps to reveal rows and rows of Perfect Princess Canopy Beds, shiny and pristine.

Jaime reached in and pulled one out, handing it to Brienne. She hadn't derived this much joy from holding a new toy since she was a little kid.

Jaime came up with one more for himself and shook Bronn's hand.

"Tell Tyrion I owe him one, even though I'm sure he knows."

Jaime began walking toward the door they came in, but Brienne stopped him.

"Hey, wait - where do I pay for this?"

Jaime raised an eyebrow. "Brienne. LannMart makes billions of dollars but can't be bothered to give its employees health insurance. We're not paying for these."

"You're sure?" Brienne had never so much as jaywalked, let alone stolen something.

"Two little toys are not even a blip on the loss prevention screen. Think of it as a very small way of sticking it to the man. Or, if you'd prefer, think of it as my gift to you."

Brienne's stomach swooped, and she immediately chided herself for being so susceptible to the charms of a handsome man. They walked out of the warehouse with their treasures in hand, and now that her stress had ebbed away, she actually felt a little disappointed that they were about to go their separate ways.

To her surprise, Jaime didn't seem in a hurry either, lingering as he was at his car door.

"Hey," she blurted out before her courage waned, "If you don't talk to your family anymore, does that mean you'll be alone for Sevenmas?" She cringed when she realized he probably had a wife or girlfriend or partner to spend it with, but the words were out now, so no use in backpedaling.

"Oh, yeah," he said to her utter astonishment. "But it's okay. I'm used to it." He shrugged as if it was no big deal, but her heart hurt for him.

"Please tell me if this is weird, but maybe I could…call you? On Sevenmas? You know, to report back on how the present went over?" She shook her head and covered her face in embarrassment. "No, sorry, that was weird…"

"No, I mean, yes," Jaime interrupted. "No, it's not weird. Yes, I would like that."

Brienne smiled sheepishly and reached into her purse to take out her phone, but he gave her his first. “Put your number in there. I’ll text you so you have mine. Just in case you forget to call.” He winked, and her knees went weak.

She put her number in and handed his phone back. “I won’t forget,” she said in a flirty tone that surprised even her. She felt her phone buzz in her purse with his message.

“Great. Well. It was...oddly nice meeting you today.”

“Yeah, it was nice meeting you too. Thanks again, for this.” She held up the box in her hands. “I’m glad I didn’t end up punching you in the store.”

Jaime chuckled. “Yes, thank you for that. Well, have a good Sevenmas.”

“Thank you. You too.”

She got into her car and drove away, shaking her head in wonder. She had the toy her niece wanted _and_ the number of an impossibly handsome, kind man, who wanted her to call him.

Maybe Sevenmas magic really did exist.


End file.
